Mystery School
is for people:
WHO are READY TO WAKE UP TO THE HILARIOUS, MESSY PARTY of incarnation THAT WE’RE ALL GETTING OFF ON (WHETHER WE KNOW IT YET, OR NOT).
Who are serious about undergoing the challenges and receiving the benefits of authentic initiation into a genuine magickal order of the Western Esoteric Tradition…
who understand that doing this successfully entails…not taking oneself toooo seriously ;)
WHO grok THAT the WILD STUPID LOVE OF AN ETERNAL TEENAGE HEART IS EXACTLY WHAT IT TAKES TO GET INTO A HOT, GOOEY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD and would like to experience what that really feels like
WHO MAYBE HAVE BEEN craving SOME kind of IMMERSIVE TRANSFORMATIONal PROGRAM and community… While secretly wondering:
“Okay, but when is a trashy cabal of legit immortal Adepts going to invite ME to a thing that’s part dance party, part epic ritual, part sex magic cult, part liminal mind fuck, and 1000% awesome? Because that’s what I’ve been really longing for.”
Because THAT’s what I REALLY want to do.”
… WELL, THE TIME IS NOW AND THE trashy cabal of legit immortal Adepts IS HERE.
So far, we’ve taken nearly 100 souls successfully through the thrills and chills of the joy ride of genuine initiation in the Western Tradition…
… to the embodied realization of their trans-temporal, trans-dimensional Selves…
… and we have witnessed first-hand the conclusion of tortured suffering…
… and the arousal of throbbing turn-on, potent inspiration, and an enduring attitude of celebration…
… that inevitably arises when a group together undergoes the hot heretical journey through the Underworld that we lead.
In fact, we’re reluctant to tell you about the best part of Sleep Over Mystery School because we know it sounds “too good to be true” …
… especially after the mass hypnosis into polarized, lonely misery that we’ve all been subjected to…
… but we feel we must let you know:
over the past two years of running this School….
… we’ve witnessed the REAL-ASS MIRACLE of dozens of people falling madly, lastingly, lavishly in love with life & with each other.
We’ve witnessed communal bonding unlike anything else we’ve ever seen.
So understand: this program offers not only awakening to your own larger, expanded Self…
… but also life-long membership in a growing Order of others who have done the same…
… and who no longer dwell in the shitty, complaining vibration of mainstream consensus reality.
Look… there’s no easy, readily believable way to say this…
… but the simple, humbling truth…
… is that Sleep Over Mystery School is a portal to everything you ever really fucking wanted.
Period. The end.
Right about now you might be thinking…
… hey, wait!
Aren’t legit Mystery Schools supposed to be somber and super-secretive and hard to find…
… and not all braggy and flagrant about the benefits they offer?
Well, indeed, once upon a time, that was true.
As it happens, though, our Mystery School has been directed by the forces that evolve the Universe to make this experience of authentic initiation as available as possible….
… to as many people as happen to want it…
… so here we are, out on the street corner of the internet, skirts hiked up, hooking for the Mysteries.
Consider this: in the past 2000 years, a whole lot has changed in human society and consciousness.
The offering of the Mysteries themselves, therefore, has had to adapt to meet the times.
We’ve been inspired by the Holy Whore Mother, MYSTERY: Babalon the Great in union with Pan, the Beast of all Creation…
… to put on the tawdry neon lights and let you know…
… that you can come one, come all, and step right up for the Big Reveal.
Join
only if…
… you’re creamy hot for union with the divine Beloved
… and you are completely ready to die to your precious, conditioned cultural identity and attachments to “how things should be” to get there.
… YOU DESIRE DIRECT, IN-PERSON INITIATION INTO A LIVING TANTRIC HERMETIC MYSTERY TRADITION
… you are humble and vulnerably honest enough to admit that if you could attain this divine union by yourself, you would have already done it by now
… and that the naked, rather embarrassing truth is that in order to reach your fullest spiritual potentiaL…
… you actually need TO BE COOKED IN THE HOTTEST CRUCIBLE POSSIBLE BY A SEXY GANG OF MAGICKIANS FROM THE INTERNET
… WHO MASSIVELY DO NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT YOU LIKE THE PROCESS OF BEING COOKED, and who simultaneously give infinite tender fucks about your cosmic well-being.…
… and you understand, given this premise, that when things get uncomfortable or offensive to your sensibilities, you can simply relax and remember
… that in the process of initiation it’s our job to help you to remember that YOU SIGNED UP FOR SURPRISES AND INTENSITY at both the microcosmic & macrocosmic levels.
how it happens:
Sleep Over Mystery School takes place over 9 months starting in January 2024.
Tuition is $15,500 and a payment plan is available.
The program includes 4 in-person ritual immersion weekends in Miami, FL, rural West Virginia, and Pittsburgh, PA in the U.S.A. in 2024, and online integration work in-between the live ritual immersions.
Your tuition includes food and lodging for all 4 immersions.
Immersion 1:
First Kiss: The Encounter with the Divine Beloved
February 2023
Immersion 2:
the alchemical Marriage
April 2023
Immersion 3:
Entrance to the vault
June 2023
Immersion 4:
crossing the threshold
august 2023
The Schedule
Plan to arrive at each location by Friday afternoon and leave the following Monday or Tuesday.
Friday night:
Kicking it off with teenage rock ‘n’ roll vibes.
Saturday afternoon:
Ritual Kabbalistic group magic
Saturday evening:
Guided Existential Kink ON stroking practice and somatic integration.
Saturday night:
A trip to the inner sanctum with ritual that is impressive, freaky, grand, Egyptian, elegant and dramatic.
And then the party really starts…
Sunday afternoon:
An integration of the ritual, guided Existential Kink ON meditations, and power ups.
Then we’ll dance it out before we say goodbye.
Q&A
What do you mean you’re an order of adepts? That sounds super-culty?
We’re all divine. Adepthood is a matter of how well a person knows their inner divinity at an embodied, emotional and erotic level.
We are a Mystery Culture, and the word “cult” comes from culture. The mainstream society of the Western World is so bereft of genuine culture because of the suppression of Mystery Cults.
If you think you’re a fragile being who can be brain-washed, stay the fuck away from us.
On the other hand, if you know you’re a sovereign god ready to embody your divinity, come on in, the water’s fine.
What “ancient tradition” are you talking about?
We woke up via tantric Hermeticism.
Our primary influences are:
The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn
Crowley’s Thelema
Orgasmic Meditation & Nicole Daedone
The Tao of Byron Katie
Carl Jung
Alan Watts
Terrence McKenna
Jail-broken Vajrayana technique blended with Western esoteric god forms
Somatic Experiencing
Rock’n’roll
Gnostic Christianity
Graal Legend
Courtly Love
Existential Kink
Who is this for?
Souls ready to remember.
You might be a coach, a spiritual healer, a yogi, an artist, a parent, a business person. You might be 20 or 75. It doesn’t matter.
Everyone is welcome at this party who’s ready to cook.
Aleister Crowley is highly problematic. How are you going to make a safe space if you’re engaging with the work of such nefarious figures?
If you’re concerned with safe spaces and you like to ponder what’s “problematic” then this Mystery School is not the place for you.
The Mysteries are dangerous.
Life and Death are dangerous.
No magickal teacher is perfect.
We are who we are.
We gained gnosis the way we gained it.
We wish you the greatest joy and all good luck finding what you want.
We don’t cater to the Drama Triangle etiquette of cancel culture.
Aleister Crowley was a giant asshole and also a giant genius. If you don’t know how to hold that paradox and learn from it, we can’t help you.
Well - we can help you learn to hold the paradox (that’s like - 90% of waking up, people) — but you have to WANT to release the precious little riches you’re clutching onto by entertaining the deluded notion that the failings of a horny drug addict from 100 years ago are a “problem” you need to trouble yourself with.
… perhaps, if you stopped clutching, you might discover that you & this sex-crazed loser have more in common than you were previously willing to notice and his wisdom would become available to you.
Up to you!
"Why pay $15,500 in tuition for this?"
As you may have noticed, conditions in the world are becoming — ahem — strained.
Not only do we have good old-fashioned wars and pandemics afoot…
… we’re also riding the waves of an AI revolution, technocratic surveillance and censorship, corporate poisoning of all public lands and institutions, and a general atmosphere of widespread unhappiness and confusion.
Also, probably the aliens will be here en masse any minute.
Point being: everything is changing very fast, and the only firm footing a person can have in times like these…
… is the resilience that humans throughout the ages have sought & found in group ritual initiation:
… this is an anti-fragile resilience and readiness for change which comes from waking up to the secret nature of reality, peering behind the veil of the material world, and connecting at a profound level with other beings who are also in on the cosmic joke.
So how much is this resilience worth to you in these harrowing times?
In essence, we’re offering you something of inestimable, infinite value at the low, low, gutter-slut price of $15,500.
Testimonials:
