Cultivating trust with my Holy Guardian Angel

Hello,

Lately I’ve been working on dissolving my habitual distrust of the men I most love and who most love me.

I notice that even when I thought I was most open I’ve always kept some kind of leverage up my sleeve…

… a sort of:

“sure, I’ll listen to what you have to say— but really I’m the smart one here, the one with the real power, and watch how very, very easily I can undermine and emasculate you”

…. eeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrgh.

It’s not comfortable to look at how often I’ve wriggled away from an opportunity for genuine surrender…

…just in order to keep going around being “the lady in charge.”

When I’m compassionate with myself I can see that my resistance to letting my emotional guard & weapons fully down…

… came from not trusting *myself* to know what I wanted and what would be best.

I struggled for years in therapy, trying to find this self-trust somehow.

For me, it turned out I could only develop this kind of self-trust through Magick…

… specifically, in cultivating Knowledge and Conversation of my Holy Guardian Angel.

What’s that?

Well, K&C of the HGA is a central aim of Western esotericism, and a huge focus of the WEALTH membership I lead.

(Be the first to know when WEALTH opens for application & get in on all the hot occult action by joining the waitlist here).

The HGA is the larger, multi-dimensional, trans-temporal part of ourselves, “the whole universe minus your ego” - what Jung called the Self with a capital S.

My HGA most often appears to me in dreams as Hermes, the caduceus-bearing psycho pomp.

As we do in WEALTH, I cultivate dialogue with my HGA via divination with the Thoth deck.

This week, through a series of one-card draws, my HGA led me into one of the biggest surrenders and openings with my husband I could ever imagine…

… it feels amazing…

… and the surrender was made possible by this trust I’ve cultivated in the god within myself.

And that only came from:

- long listening to my nighttime dreams’ responses to my life and ritual

- building a relationship over time with the Thoth deck via daily draws

- being willing to entertain the idea that a more vast intelligence than my own often-confused inner monologue exists and can speak with me

What kind of wondrous things is your Magick leading to lately?

best,

Carolyn Elliott

Author of Existential Kink