the brain-melting riddles of risk and desire -- 7 Temptations of a Born Leader, Part 3

I hope yesterday's full moon in Scorpio brought you lots of terrifying, wondrous revelation.

We've been discussing the 7 temptations that born leaders face in our culture and what to do about them.

Today, we're talking about: 6) The temptation to "go it alone" and. 7) The temptation to get hung up on worldly success.

To illuminate 7), I've brought in the pithy words of my dear friend and coach, Dave Burns.

Dave went from being a perpetually-broke cello nerd to closing million-dollar sales contracts in a rather shockingly short amount of time, thanks to alchemical integration inspired by his genius wife, my bestie Carolyn Burns.

I think you'll dig what he has to say ;)

Now, onward...

6) The temptation to "go it alone"

Almost by definition, born leaders don't have much of a "follower" impulse. They tend to cherish their independence and embody a sort of feline solitude of spirit.

It's one of the reasons I love them so much :)

This inclination to solitude nurtures the soul-searching phases of creativity, yet, if over-indulged, it can also kill the future of that creativity.

I've seen potent leaders of all stripes hesitate to invest in coaching, mentorship, and community because they believe "I should be able to figure it all out myself."

One of these potent leaders with a giant over-commitment to "doing it all myself' was me ;)

I gave into this temptation for the first decade of my adult life.

I tried to learn everything I needed just from books. Books abound for free at the library, and they don't directly call me on my bullshit.  Of course, books also can't give personalized answers to my pressing questions about my life, work, and dreams. 🤣

It wasn't until the apocalyptic mood of 2012 struck that I finally realized:

"Ohhh, hey, if I want to be successful, I should probably find other successful people to teach me how they do it.

"Ohhh and really successful people value their time and knowledge, so they aren't hanging out dispensing free advice at the drum circle -- they form exclusive communities that I need to apply to get into."
I mean, I love hippies and drums, but they have their limitations. Sounds super-obvious, right? Except it wasn't to me.

I had to go through a whole little mini-ego death to understand I had previously avoided seeking mentorship and supportive community not because I didn't value it, but because I feared being deceived and taken advantage of; I feared putting my trust in something that might let me down.

Of course it's wise to be discerning about who we learn from, and also, I gradually realized I could never know if any given mentor or community really had something worth absorbing unless I opened myself up, took a risk, and invested in getting involved.

I encountered some bumps in the road, but ultimately it turned out that investing in connection with accomplished peers and mentors didn't deprive me of my originality, it just super-speeded up my ability to enact it in the world.

... And now I hand the mic to one of my favorite successful people - Dave Burns.

7) The temptation to get hung up on worldly success - by Dave Burns

First, understand that you will never stop aiming at goals so long as you live. “Goal” is simply a sterilized, masculinized term for “desire,” and desire is the pulsing life-force of the universe and everything in it.

Saying “don’t be so goal oriented” is like saying “stop being."

If you’re one of those souls who feels particularly—perhaps even painfully—alive in this incarnation, that means you have stronger desires, which means you have a greater intensity of goals.

Having goals is no problem.

The problem lies in denying the terrifying totality of your goals.

Perhaps you'd like to create a regenerative permaculture movement that saves the globe from environmental disaster.

That's awesome.

But the truth is... you don’t want to just create that movement.

You want to create that movement while tasting the sweet Babalonian bliss of tantric enlightenment every step of the way.

Perhaps you'd like to create a billion-dollar business.

Killer.

But, if you're honest... you don't want to just create a billion dollar business.

You want to create a billion dollar business while liberating ever-greater depths of your soul’s creative capacity to express its unique wisdom in the world.

If you ever notice yourself getting discouraged about your failure to build a bigger audience, or create more paying clients, or finally finish that book manuscript…

You’re NOT too fixated on the end goal.

You’re just not fixated enough on everything else you want in addition to that one goal.

You’ll find it incredibly challenging to make progress towards your goals anytime you constrict your desire to a fraction of its true expression by getting tunnel-visioned on a single arbitrary external outcome.

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t want the external outcome.

Your desire will certainly point you in the direction of specific external outcomes. That is a beautiful thing.

The risk lies only in shrinking your desire—your divinely charged, infinitely vivifying eros—to the size of one little outcome husk.

Desire doesn’t do well with that kind of containment.

By all means, keep fixating on impacting 1 million people, or having your first 7-figure year, or getting on that big podcast, or finding an amazing partner, or any other external goal that bubbles up from within.

Just don’t settle for any of those paltry, passing signposts. Your birthright of bliss goes far, far beyond such restrictive shapes.

(And, it just so happens... as an added bonus… that as soon as you stop settling, and allow the totality of your desire to flow through you unhindered…

There is nothing and no one that's gonna be able to stop you from hitting those outer goals along the way.)
-- exciting thought, yes?

best,

Carolyn Elliott

author of Existential Kink: unmask your shadow and embrace your power