giving permission to taboo desires / a love spell story

I've hesitated to tell the story behind the love magic that led to me getting together with my husband Taia because it's rather embarrassing:

It all started with me doing elaborate spellwork with the aim of getting another guy I was infatuated with (a guy who wanted nothing to do with me) --

-- to show up at a Summer Solstice party I was throwing and connect with me.

And the elaborate spellwork worked, perfectly.

Now by elaborate - I mean - I laid a whole net of charged sigils, stones, and herbs in my target's vicinity over a period of weeks.

Plus I did good old-fashioned astral projection my favorite campy occult classic: Anton LaVey's The Compleat Witch, or What to Do When Virtue Fails, to enter the dude's dreams.

This took a month of planning and preparation. It was pure wicked, wicked witchery.

And I achieved my aim: the guy showed up and said everything I had wanted to hear. The whole scene felt electrically charged, unworldly, surreal - and it felt like hitting a jack pot.

I felt my ego ecstatically inflate to about ten thousand times its usual size -- only to have it rapidly deflate again because subsequent to that Summer Solstice rendezvous, dude understandably regretted it, realized he'd been bewitched, and again wanted nothing to do with me.

So I was left hanging out in an uncomfortable limbo, both dazzled by the "success" of my working and still lonely and unrequited.

Interestingly, throughout this summer of me scheming and longing, I had a friend who was willing to listen to me go on and on about the whole affair, a friend who unwaveringly supported my taboo desire to enchant an unavailable man.

This friend was Taia. He gave books on magic, he talked with me about seduction, he helped me throw the party, he comforted me in my dejection.

What I find fascinating is that my rather insane pursuit of my unrequited desire for another dude had the paradoxical effect of opening me up to real connection with someone I didn't need to astrally ensare -- with someone who just liked me for me, the reckless power-hungry bodhisattva bitch that I am.

This has left me with a lasting appreciation of the power of going after what you want, even if you know what you want is "crazy" and "bad" -- still the alchemical journey of following your honest desire instead of sitting on your hands and being "good" - can lead to beautiful things.

Of course, I had put Taia squarely in the friend zone because according to my ego he wasn't my "type." He's shorter than me, and I had previously only been into dudes over 6 feet tall. (Yup, that shallow.) Even though I was dejected, I still had Taia in that friend zone.

What happened next: I abandoned my efforts to enchant a particular person and cast a much more wholesome, open-ended Venus spell to draw in a soul mate.

I created a Venus talisman charm bag, with a list inside of 20 traits I desired in a partner, starting with "taller than me" and going on to include "kind" "magical" "devoted," "funny," "brilliant" etc.

That Venus talisman also worked perfectly. As good talismans often do, it had the effect of lifting a veil from my eyes.

Within two weeks I found myself alone at a movie theater with Taia, our other friends having mysteriously canceled on a planned group outing. My car also mysteriously broke down, so I needed Taia to drive me home.

As we pulled up to my house, my favorite Katy Perry jam, "Dark Horse," came on the radio. After Katy sang "Make me your Aphrodite / make me your one and only..." -- Taia turned to me and said, "Aphrodite, can I kiss you?"

My heart melted, and it's been melting ever since.

A month later Taia and I moved in together. I opened up my Venus talisman bag to decommission it, read over my list of 20 traits starting with "taller than me" and decided that 19 out of 20 ain't bad. ;)

Every time I lean down to kiss Taia I still find it hilarious that Venus found a way to give me exactly what my soul needed, and not what my ego wanted.

So if you find yourself stumped using a purely love'n'light approach to attracting your soul mate, I suggest putting a little LaVey in your life. And probably also the 48 Laws of Power, it's one of mine and Taia's favorites.

best,

Carolyn Elliott

P.S. My course LOVE on reclaiming true love through fairy tale magic opens for registration soon.

Doors open February 8th-15 -- stay tuned for more info ;)