top 7 barriers to sovereignty, part 1

Numerologically, 2020 is a "4" year, which corresponds to the Emperor in the Tarot, an arcana of sovereignty and self-rulership.

This theme of sovereignty also gets an astrological boost this year from the presence of heavy-hitting Pluto, Saturn, and Jupiter all up in ambitious, royal, no-nonsense Capricorn.

Over years of working with thousands of people in my coaching and courses, I've noticed some recurring "reasons" that folks come up with for delaying taking charge of their own lives.

I've been guilty of all of these at times myself - and I find that being aware of them helps me to make much more sovereign decisions.

1. Lack of deep honesty about what you want

We live in a cultural that simultaneously enflames desire - and shames it. There's a prevailing notion that "good' people (as we all want to see ourselves) should only want "good," modest, altruistic things.

This notion can lead some folks to live in denial for years about the very human, very natural things that they actually want - things like: prestige, lots of money, deeper romantic connection, and electrifyingly intense spiritual realization.

If you feel like you "don't know" exactly what you want out of life - trust me, you know, you're just not letting yourself know.

So how about go ahead and stop that?

Be wildly honest with yourself about the depths of your desires, both wicked and saintly, right now.

Take out your journal and make an uncensored list of what you want, everything from the grand to the mundane. No one has to see it.


2. Fear of being disliked

What might happen if you started letting your actual thoughts be known to the people around you?

If you told the truth about how you see the world and claimed more space and independence for yourself?

What if (horror of horrors) people stopped liking you?

The fear of being disliked has very understandable evolutionary roots - for tens of thousands of years, being disliked by your "tribe" meant exile, and exile meant death.

But now being disliked doesn't mean certain death. Now it means some people stop talking to you / unfollow you on social media.

Oh. Well.

For example: my email "How I learned to stop worrying and love Donald Trump" had 240 people unsubscribe from this here list, the most ever unsubscribes I've had in a day .... and I have to tell you - I was so, so glad to see them go.

Anyone who gets salty over a message about unconditional love can unconditionally kiss my ass. ;)

One upside to overcoming the fear of being disliked is that you find out sooner rather than later who genuinely vibes with you, and who's just hanging around to vampirically absorb your awesomeness.

Another major upside is that you can step into the bold & direct leadership roles you were born for, something that's all-but-impossible when you're busy politely tip-toe'ing around everyone's pet sensitivities.

3. Lack of specificity about what qualities you truly value

What do you value? Health, family, good food, helping others?

Great. Okay. Yes, we all agree those things are important.

Now, what do you actually value?

As in, beyond the basic standard list of "good stuff" that everyone agrees on -- what qualities in those things genuinely give you the most enjoyment?

Most people never stop to really think this through, and sadly, it shows in their lack of style.

My husband Taia and I made a list of qualities that we truly value; they go like this:

Far out & obnoxious
Vain & sexy
Fucked-up & decadent

Knowing what qualities we most value allows us to make sovereign decisions in alignment with what actually tickles us and fuels us.

Rather than just "valuing family" -- we like to be far out & obnoxious in our love for our baby Lulu.

Rather than just "helping others" -- we like to find ways to do that which involve being vain and sexy, like throwing great parties and helping people make connections.

Rather than just "eating good food" -- we like to stay on the look out for restaurants that feel fucked-up & decadent.

See what I mean? What are some qualities that you specifically value in all your pursuits?

Stay tuned for my next message, where I elaborate on the remaining 4 most common barriers to embracing sovereignty.

love and villainy,

Carolyn Elliott

author of Existential Kink: unmask your shadow and embrace your power (now in-stock and ready to ship from Amazon!)

P.S. Follow me on Instagram @carolynelliott_ so you can get more provocative insights and a peek into my world.