the gentle way to extract gold from our wounds
If you’ve already checked out the free first few chapters of my Existential Kink book …
(And do go ahead and dive in if you haven’t already)..
… you might now be enjoying a glimpse of how it’s possible to re-arrange your whole existence by giving even the “don’t like” situations in your life some shameless, freaky celebration.
Today I want to keep encouraging you in your journey by addressing the second common stumbling block to super-successful Existential Kink practice.
The second common stumbling block is the notion that if “having is evidence of wanting” as the first axiom of Existential Kink suggests…
… and if savoring your painful situations from a kinky lens can help resolve and dissolve them…
… then that must mean that you should go straight to doing EK practice on the most awful childhood wounds of your life, the quicker to resolve them, right?
Uh, no. ;)
The beautiful thing about Existential Kink is that by using it on the ordinary frustrations of your life today, you can quickly create deep shifts in your being that turn everything around, including situations with roots in your childhood.
This has been my experience, and the experience of thousands of my clients and course participants.
I strongly recommend working just with these ordinary frustrations (“not enough” money, romance, power, etc.) …
… because it’s generally way easier to find your freaky spark in relation to things that are painful, but not overwhelming.
Trauma, by definition, is overwhelming.
It’s very weird of me, but I believe this is ultimately (in the grand cosmic sense) an excellent thing. Indeed, I suspect that even the most excruciating traumatic events constitute an experience of the divine - the dark side of it.
Think about it for a second: what’s the defining quality of an encounter with divinity? It’s overwhelming, it breaks down all the usual structures of meaning.
For example, when the Greek god Zeus revealed himself in his full glory to his nymph girlfriends, they burned up or went crazy.
In brief, they got traumatized. Their usual reality got invaded by a vast force.
I believe that the painful wounds we encounter when we’re too young to defend ourselves…
… whether they’re something relatively mild like schoolyard bullying or something extremely intense like parental sexual abuse…
… turn out to be great gifts, because in this life or another, they drive us to seek a larger context for our souls, a sense of meaning and purpose that’s indestructible.
Pain drives the evolution of consciousness; it compels us to seek our true wholeness, our holiness, in order to heal.
Like the android heroines of West World, we get killed & violated again and again, until we start to wake up and realize that actually, we’re not the scripted characters we thought we were - we’re the vast intelligence in charge of the whole game.
All of which is to say, so many of us have profound wounds. Whether we’ve personally suffered abuse or whether we just compassionately feel the pain of the world, life traumatizes all of us in one way or another.
And.
You don’t ever need to start there, with the most scary stuff.
You can start applying the axioms of Existential Kink and the meditation practice to just your daily frustrations…
… in time, you’ll see how dramatically & gorgeously your relationship to those situation changes as you work with the gleeful kinky attitude.
Over some years, you’ll gain enough visceral, felt, tangible identity with your divine Self to be able to tackle the most gruesome horrors and meet them with love.
But please don’t start there. Be very, very gentle with yourself.
Start out with relishing drops of hot candle wax; don’t rush to work your way up to the full-throttle dungeon bondage.
This way, by going slowly, you can pay attention to your own inner “yes” and “no.”
See, the thing about doing Existential Kink work with your own internal sadomasochism, is that there’s no external domme to hear your safe word.
You are the domme and the sub, you’re both the masochist and the sadist. It’s up to you to be responsible and tender with your own dear self.
P.S. In order to receive a beautiful Guided Existential Kink Meditation audio...
just order the book at one of these sites:
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... and submit your receipt information in this form. We'll send you the audio link to thank you for helping to generate buzz about the book :)