the secret to turning lack into bounty
Today I want to address the third common stumbling block people encounter when they first start to work with Existential Kink practice.
(To know what I’m talking about, please go ahead and read the first few chapters of Existential Kink here.)
I call the third stumbling block “grabbing for the goodies.”
It means rushing to get to the “get off,” so you don’t have to be bothered with the “don’t like” situation anymore and you can get all the good stuff.
Rushing to get off in Existential Kink so you can “get the goodies” is just as lousy as rushing to get to a climax in sex.
Sure, you can do that, but the real art and the deep love lies in savoring whatever arises.
Of course, grabbing for the goodies is a natural impulse with Existential Kink - after all, in the book I talk about all the astounding success my clients and course participants have had with the EK process…
… new jobs, restored relationships, influxes of income, expansions of creativity and more.
Who wouldn’t want to grab for that?
It’s immensely understandable. Sometimes I fall into it myself!
But the trick with EK practice is to relax into the freaky, previously-unconscious enjoyment of what’s already present.
This relaxing into previously-unconscious enjoyment renders your previously-repressed pleasure conscious.
When you do this, you let all the energy you once used to deny your shadowy desires become freshly available to generate new wonders in your life.
But the relaxing is key. If your attitude with EK is something like “Yeah, yeah, I’ll kinkily enjoy this stuff so I can get to the REAL good stuff as soon as possible!”…
… then you’re missing the point.
The point is that it’s ALL the good stuff.
Everything in your experience, to your Shadow at least, is very good stuff, including the strife and the longing.
So today, I invite you to melt into that. Set aside some time for EK practice and gently let yourself become aware of how much your Shadow is already delighting in what’s going on.
As you do this, surrender your ego’s grabbing for the goodies.
For just 15 minutes, let your Shadow’s desires and fulfillment be more important than the desires and fulfillment of your ego.
We spend our whole lives thinking if only we could get more of “the good stuff” we’ll finally be happy…
… but the secret is that when we get on the side of our Shadow and consciously receive all the bounty of “lack” that it brings us…
… we find the amazing fact that we’ve been very happy all along --- we just wouldn’t drop our ego seeking long enough to let ourselves know it!
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